just realise i didnt felt like myself lately i just donnoe why easily felt tired and im kinda lost interest in study just the feel just GONE? is Weird wonder where the feel walk away to? come back to me PLEASE!!!!!! >.<
==================================================
i got new GOD DADDY! =) last FRIDAY 26/03/10 i got new god daddy ^^ daddy melvin =D
hahax.. cant stop laughing >.<

the end off to NAP still tired from yesterday journey + gym... not goin gym today got blister at my foot... sobs =(

hahax.. im so out of my mind starting a blog with hahax..
im so happie now.. =D giggle like lil girl XD
how could ur smile strike me just once! lolx.. goin of to bed now =) nitenite..

YOUR SMILE IS A KILLERR!!!!!!! just once make me go GOOoogoooOO GaaaGGaaaa over you =D

stab wound and wounded.. hurt pain and sick
current feeling now really like crap all i can say is really bad bad extremely bad week for me..
just wouldnt want to elobarate on it much just rough outline basically only my closest Friend noe about it..

• my car window CRACK half.
• on Wednesday while driving home it seems like every single ladies driver like wanna bang my car 1st was at metroview a lady drive reverse without lo0king at all and 2nd lady drive with perdana suddenly swing her car to my lane out of suden wat the hell happen???
• Wednesday Night i stay up all night doing assignment which at the end rejected, rejected is not the worst part is the process while doing assignment vomiting coughing flu and my throat are killing me well is because my body to hot previous day which causing my already "sore" throat get worse and the cough came along to0 ==
• since previous day was a SLEEPLESS night + sick night i forcing myself go to college felt the whole body like just wanna drop and cry coz beside being weak on that day well i know something-just secret be it self- what i know is hurt just like sharp thing just stab into the part which is invisible from outer part (heart) what i know i numb i donnoe what i feel now i really dont just keep pushing myself even im sick. i went gym do RPM and body pump felt my head like being bang slightly pain and dizzy half way RPM just be tough just hold on... finish RPM still think should or can i continue with body head feel like crap cant even see clear sometimes at the end i went for body pump din do much coz the whole body kinda hurt best part the whole thing was supper time had supper with mich melvin and andrew took my mind off for awhile =)
• Friday was another crap day with the passport department i was at there like working hours == from 9-5pm mum drove me there i just couldnt drive that time..still sleepy becoz of cough mixture and coughing like shit while Q-ing felt like wanna fall 1 hour of Q-ing ya tink? but i bear it thru! with 4 hours sleep i manage get myself thru the day of 8 hours waiting and GYM! today RPM was well fo0ling around me ,mich n kelvin lolx totally nut case we were like turning each other gear shouting singing RPM combat lolx.. cycling while doin combat punch lolx.. that was the time i forget everyting is true happie tings dont last long all the reality just snap back into me find my friend for YC just talk im happie i have my bestest best friend support me holding me thru...

i rather get skinned knee than a wounded heart because skinned knee is bearable than wounded heart atleast you could see it get better each day...

- every wound is pain and hurt but atleast you know theres is medicine for it but wounded heart theres no medicine just time replacing the medicine-

told a friend of mine: im just numb right now i donnoe who i am i donoe what im tinking i just need time and thx for support me.

sick sick sick yet keep pushing myself like no ro0m to breath...
last"early in the morning was so suffer i use the whole box of tissue and i vomit like twice the third vomit nothing came out just phlegm.. seriously i get worse after the "over heated" myself on Tuesday should have know myself im already sick yet i don bother bout it so i deserve to suffer like that is all my own fault to be slightly down i felt like nobody care at 1st but well yea later that day i noe my best fren jeff care my bro my fren mich eves melvin my cousin elia.. thx =) and peeps you noe wat last night i totally gave up on my assignment after the 2nd or 3rd vomit.. is like 6.30AM seriously by that time i din go to bed im sure will faint sleep like for 2 hours seriously i not so proud of it i nvr gave up my assignment i been thru 3days without sleeping one night is just ntg but well myb i just cant bear the suffer..

when to college than had lunch with the gang at KFC just had whiped potato for breakfast lunch and dinner.. din had dinner coz i was at the gym.. my bro told me im stupid sick yet still goin gym yeayea i noe bro im stupid.. lolx..and sorry breaking promise about seeing a doctor after gym aih.. sorry promise you later noon i go see one aites=) oh yeah! btw forgot after gym had supper with michelle eves, melvin and andrew =) by 12 back home ..


***btw me n mich had a slient RPM today we like watching how it felt if the rpm like a dead class seriously it is boring!!!!!! even not me n her shout AKA screaming theres still other who will do it! there was a guy screaming graon like hes having S** or he TFK so what f*ck as long u having fun n let out ur stress is ok with me.. stop complaning like old woman!
psss~~! seriously i don give a damn nomore.. either you stay or u leave..


the end

Monday grey???
i so hate morning lecture attend it for an attendance wasted sleeping time because lecture will be on only maximum less than an hour dont you think is kinda waste of energy time and my sleeping time? even practical attend it for some Q and A than im out of it last lecture well better be out of it basically "nap" through out the lecture yea i noe whats in your mine "HOPELESS" me? =P

MONDAY

• overslept late for lecture
• seat at lecture hall just touch up my floor plan within less then 30minute just realise lecture finish == whats the point i rush my way to college? aih...
• seat at lecture hall talk with friends waiting practical class at 12
• attend practical basically doing nothing other than Q and A
• when for lunch with friends had fried yong taufu again aih my throat =(
• after lunch went to friend house nap there for 1hour+
• 5pm went for tea with friends
• 6.30pm to gym damn the happpiest place for me to be!
• Got a lil kitty doll from someone =)
• 9pm back home......

basically that was my day...

===================================================

personal

• i just stop my knee medication felt WEIRD...

sometimes it felt like something cutting in between

i just ignore it hoping it wouldnt get worse since well .... read my previous post~ if wanna noe..

going be back on medication tomorrow...

• i felt like im departing from it i felt lil hurt i noe is weird that im departing from it but im

hurt? yes it is hurt just have to bear it... be tough!

-end-

Fate~
the only word in my mind now.
does FATE play a big part in life?
does everything happen coz of fate?
i think it does all happen because on god's will? (FATE)

• FATE to meet YOU
• FATE to be friend with YOU
• FATE that i know i cant have YOU
• FATE that i need to stand up to accept all this FATE
• FATE doesnt always be GOOD thing but to believe it happen for a reason
• FATE that i know one day YOU will go off or im the one who letting go of this friendship?

things do happen because of FATE maybe one day if i die is fate that i die the way it is

(i had couple of dream about it)

but FATE even it doesnt always go the way i wanted it to be and FATE always get the best of me...

• HURT
• SAD
• EMO
• DEPRESS
• HEARTACHE

even FATE pulling me down HARD! is process of learning to be tough and strong

i may be down but im not down for ever i will stand!

stand for myself i know one day the FATE i wanted it to be come true

believe in it take it learn it and just stand tall to make it through

FATE

14/03/10 (5am)

i donnoe what should i type here alot thing playing inside me i just grrr~~~ noT happie!
im tired to care people feeling tired trying so hard not let pple get offended at the im the one who get offended is been 3 days is time let go the anger.. i promise myself something..

till here...
cioaz~

i am awake at 3AM gonna sleep so0n just out of suden i have the mood to blog

im scratching my head what im gonna pour out alot of it that i wish to share.

i shall start... well~

lately there are alot things happen sometimes i donnoe why i felt like i dont really understand me myself and i easily get mad and piss i noe it is not me is hard to control sometimes i donnoe why i even get mad on simple things :'( my bad~ plus im easily get tired sometimes i felt i just woke up like few hours and the whole body felt like i been working for 10 hours sometimes i wish i could just drop but i noe i couldnt i need stand strong push myself hard! cant always laid back there so much things to be done and achieve.. people say they miss their childho0d life coz theres nothing to worry about yea is true apart from not worry anything is fun but other than that theres nothing for me to lo0k back i like the way it is now. felt my life now is more colorful.

Guys im sorry if i showed my "black" face.. i just couldnt help it seriously tired~ jeffrey and derek sorry that u guy got to listen on my nagging alot so sorry...

but im still appriciate my present i meet alot great people recently meet a guy and a girl well they are great lolx that guy kinda actually always make me laugh and smile actually this guy i meet 3months ago lolx wat i noe he like bully me wat i mean in a go0d way like making me wonder == especially when he told me he know what i did the whole day aih~ badbad _._._._._._._ XD than the girl donnoe im with her i can be whacky lolx.. we sometimes tink the same and she like whack my Butt *shake shake* XD i realise i found my center"peace" the place aint that peace hahax.. i like to be in GYM! in gym i dont feel so stress up but to bad not that "alot" of frens coz most of them can consider way way~~~ older than me hey! im lucky to have the people i mention above! they are NUTS! XD

done!

note: i just realise liking you is not the hardest but saying go0dbye to you is way harder plus is not worth it to lose a friend because of stupid feeling~ =)

Right now i feel wanna curl myself felt so stress up but i donnoe what making me so stress~
just act like nothing happen..
i donnoe how long i could stand it i felt stress increase each day.. :'(
+ i donnoe why i get tired easily
aih what happen to me?



aih~since nobody to hug gonna get something for me to hug when im down~ =(

yesterday could be consider a bad day aih..
donnoe why..
before goin out to college let dad scold me for just stupid and pathetic things i donnoe why at all...
just cant stand hes hot temper i cant stand that he just DONT effing listen to people...
dad why u just WOULDNT listen..
this why i hardly communicate with you since i get older...
u just wouldnt listen...
what i noe each day i communicate less with you...
i just cant get what you want..
if i say something that wouldnt please you u scold..
saying all does "rough" word i just couldnt take it anymore :'(
i donwan it to be this way but u left me with no choice.
sobs~